Living life positive........the only way

Being hard on yourself........my relationship with CrossFit

I haven't posted in a while and I apologize. It's almost like I have had so much to say and haven't known where to start. Full of emotions and typing into oblivion. So I keep erasing and starting over. Not anymore. I need to better myself and I believe that sharing what I am mentally and physically going through with others will only make me a better me. I have had a rough week beating myself up for not being good enough at something I love. Something I want to be so good at that it makes me sick. Something that I dream about almost every night when I close my eyes....CrossFit. Some (maybe most) will think this is stupid and ridiculous but honestly I really don't care. Have your own opinion because I have something in my life now that makes me a better person every day. Mentally, physically and emotionally. Something that breaks me down in minutes but builds me up towards the rest of my life. EVERYDAY.

Anyone that truly knows me knows how hard I am on myself. That I think way to much about what I could be doing better rather than what I have improved on. What I am not good at, rather than what I do well. A perfect example is when I won my Figure competition. I was standing at the bottom of the stage holding my 2 swords that I bled blood sweat and tears for. I stood there after going through 4 of the hardest month's of my life asking my workout partner if he thought they had made a mistake. If he thought I should have won. Really?? Really? Who does that? I mean come on...you WON...and you worked harder than you ever could imagine possible and deserve it!! Geeeeeze!

SOOOOOOO.........There you go. That pretty much sums me up. Always reaching out to better someone. Complimenting them any chance I can, helping to boost them up. To feel better about themselves and become a person they never thought they could be. Why can't I give that to myself? Why is that so hard for me? Can I do this for myself? YES AND I WILL.

I am making a commitment to myself and my relationship with CrossFit to be proud of myself at my lowest point. To believe in myself when the tears roll down my check and all I want is to give up. To be humble when I reach the top (and I will). Be patient with myself when I get frustrated. To compliment myself when the smallest baby step towards a better CrossFitter has been achieved. To remind myself that I am not perfect. That I can and will be great... for I am CrossFit.


"I have shed blood, I have shed sweat and by god I have shed tears to make myself a true competitor in the upcoming CrossFit sectionals. I know, without a doubt that I have pushed myself harder in these past few weeks than I have ever pushed myself. Both physically and mentally I have taken my level of training and dedication for that matter to an elite level. It is only here, at the very top, that i may achieve that which I know I deserve....Greatness!" This amazing quote is compliments of the person who convinced me to grow some you know what's and to sign up for something that scares the living life out of me....Coach Matty.